Six Months To A New Me

I picked up this Zen-ish mantra somewhere along the way and applied it at the holidays.  Basically, when things feel like shit, it’s a simple reminder that it’s circumstantial and you won’t always feel like this.
The diet portion of my training is really affecting me, and it’s only week one!  Instead of feeling better, I feel like shit (okay, PMS and some weird [hopefully] 24 hour bug don’t help).  I swear to god I am f-ing hungry ALL the time.  I only had one day this week where I screwed up royally and ate more than I should have, and it was just large portions of approved food.  So it’s not like I fell off the wagon and rolled down a Mudslide (one of my new favorite terms for bombing a diet).  My self control is pretty darn impressive.  But having a grumbly tummy and feeling so HUNGRY and not doing anything about it is FRUSTRATING. I am grumpy and emotional, and I don’t like myself this way.
This will pass.  My stomach will adjust.  The PMS is NOT helping.  I know this, because I always pig right before my period.  Talk about trial by fire!
The exercise is aces.  I didn’t feel well yesterday, and I was actually sad not to go to the gym.  Getting out of the house (!) and going to the gym always makes me feel awesome so I look forward to it.
But if I could get through ONE day without thinking about food all day long…grrrrrrrrrrr…
I think I need to fill my tummy with more veggies at every opportunity.

’cause today I got to watch a special about UFO investigations on the Discovery channel w/ closed captioning AND listen to The Matrix Soundtrack while rocking 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Today I did the first round of strength training as prescribed by my trainer at the gym.  No problemo!  Okay, I was forced to do a few things I hate doing (namely, squats) but I got through just fine in less than an hour.  It was MUCH easier than what I was trying to do to myself.  (but don’t misunderstand–definitely WORK). 
Technically, I don’t even start my plan until Feb. 1 and I’ve already lost 3 lbs from last week.
I have to tell you though, the eating is the hard part.  And not just because of what I have to eat.  For the most part I can be damn stubborn enough to fight off cravings, and eventually (sooner vs. later) my body will adjust to the drop in calories.  But just existing in a world where everything is prepackaged, oversized, grease-laden, and chemically produced is really tough.  You feel like a weirdo and a freak for choosing to live extra-healthy.  That is the unexpected hardest part–not my own pressures, but wandering up and down the aisles at the grocery store and ignoring all but maybe 10% of what is there.  Knowing you’re going to a party and you are going to be the weirdo that doesn’t want to nosh on all the party treats and having to endure all the questions and proddings.  That is the part I am most scared about.  I can find the strength within myself, but I am already naturally susceptible to bullies.  I have to remind myself I am doing something I want for me and that there is NOTHING WRONG with wanting something for me.  Not because I feel I need to be tiny, not because I think I’m “fat”, but because I want my tattoos to look damn sexy on a hot, defined back.   Because I want to wear a swimsuit without feeling awkward.  Because I want to buy a really cute underwear set from Victoria’s Secret and not feel compelled to hide under a blanket when I wear it. 
I know there are things about our bodies we can’t change.  But there are things we can, and I want to be brave enough to belong to the small percentage committed to work for it.
On a closing note, I treated myself to a new video game and a little pack of bath fizzies as my “good job you!” treat.  I’m not going to buy myself something every single time I go to the gym b/c I would go bankrupt!  Today I just needed something kind of special just for me.  

Oh man, I heart Trader Joe’s so much.  Almost as much as I heart E. for driving me there! (I know, gag gag, right?)
I got a bag of HUGE shrimp, canned crabmeat, tilapia at an unbelievable sale price (rubbed in chili powder and garlic too–yum!), whole wheat pitas, whole wheat tortillas, lemons & limes, my token apples, and some fat-free feta for far less than the same probably would have cost me at Dominick’s.
Sound bland?  Fear not, because we hit the Spice House beforehand, where I purchased a high-end chili powder, delicious-sounding dip seasoning, and a salmon rub.
A diet change that encourages me to eat MORE seafood?  Oh, boo hoo hoo.  Twist my arm.
Tomorrow I’ll be hitting Peapod to round out my pantry overhaul, but I gotta tell ya, I don’t foresee being bored OR hungry anytime soon.

Yesterday my PT (personal trainer) sent my diet/nutrition guidelines.  It’s going to be a big change–not an easy one, but not an impossible one either.
Last night I admit I mourned the loss of my precious Bunny Grahams a teeny bit, but I’ll still be able to eat them on my “indulgence” days.   I went on to dream last night about eating celery with peanut butter on it.  Not kidding.  I suppose that’s a good sign?
Because he is so completely awesome and supportive, E is taking me to Trader Joe’s tomorrow to stock up on lean and exotic meats (bison anyone?) and assorted healthy goodies.  Then we are going to the gym to get some running done. 
Don’t think it’s because he is pushing me to be uber-thin–this is all me (not like a certain ex who told me I should “get lipo like [his] mom”).  He’s just there for support in a really awesome way. 

I’m trying to back off of using this blog as a tracking tool (though inevitably it will end up being so) and instead make it something of a “healthy lifestyle” blog.  Some big shift is happening in my brain, and I am certain the body is going to follow.

Anyhoot.  This morning I threw the chili together, and let me tell you, if this doesn’t get the fiber packed in, I don’t know what will.  I always make my chili with V-8 juice because I like the taste, but hey!  Two servings of veggies right there.  Add yellow peppers, green peppers, one habanero pepper, onions, celery, garlic, diced tomatoes, Boca crumbles (beef almost always makes me ill), kidney beans, and black beans and voila!  Toss in some seasonings and you’ve got one tasty fiber-packed chili.

Thanks all for your tips yet again.  Seems to be the common thread this time is don’t obsess so much.
ME?  OBSESS?  Why would you ever think such a thing?
I think it’s really funny that my trainer told me not to use the next week as a free pass to indulge, and I am using it as a chance to show her how truly commited to eating better I am so I am all over my own ass as a result.  Oops.

But.  But!! I made a huge lifestyle change today that I think is a major step.  At lunchtime, I made myself lunch.  Not a lean pocket popped in the microwave.  Not a Subway sandwich stuffed down on the way home from an errand.  A  real lunch with multiple items.  In this case, it was mac and cheese (made with soymilk & margarine) and a side of mixed frozen veggies.
And you know what?
It’s 4:00 and I’m not starving.  In fact, after I finished my meal I went back for additional macaroni and it just didn’t appeal to me.
This is a big deal, ya’ll.  

I’ve been trying real real REAL hard to focus on my fruits and veggies (especially since I figured out how much space in my stomach fluffy popcorn is wasting).  Usually a serving of this or that is easy to figure out when you are dealing with liquids or dry ingredients or whole fruits.  But what about my favorites?  Grapes and berries and cherries…mmmmm, especially cherries.  I just munched on 15 raw cherries.  Is that a cup? Half a cup? One serving? Two? No idea.
Can anyone recommend a good way to measure non-traditional servings?  Should I get a food scale and equate grams to cups? 
What if I make homemade chili and pack it full of peppers?  How many veggies am I getting then? Or should I even count that?
Help!  It is hard to be a healthy eater when the government tells you to get your servings and then pretty much tells you an apple or ”medium fruit” (what the hell does that mean anyway?) is a serving. 
Although, I do like these nifty little charts and will probably start using them as soon as I determine what a serving of anything other than an apple is…

Today I started working on the questions my new trainer sent me about my diet and exercise habits.  And it’s no wonder I’m hungry all the time!  I’m a “nibbler” and that’s never going to change.  But when I saw how little food of substance I ate throughout the day AND how often I order pizza…well, suddenly the mystery of the 5lbs that won’t budge wasn’t such a mystery any more.
I can hardly wait for Feb. 1st to arrive.  I am totally ready to be kicked in the butt…er, assisted with my goals.
I didn’t make it to the gym last night b/c I passed out on the couch at 6pm.  I figured my body must have needed it because I didn’t wake up for quite awhile.  So I’m squeezing a workout in at lunch today…um, just a few minutes from now in fact. 

Today I signed up with an online personal trainer.  I am so excited.  The advice I seemed to receive most from people on and off line was get thee to a trainer.  The other advice I received most was cut yourself some slack once in awhile.
As I explained to her over e-mail, obviously I know WHAT to do to lose weight.  I know that fewer calories in plus more calories expended = weight loss.  But as Kyra worded so perfectly in a recent blog post, sometimes, unfortunately, the science is not so simple on a case by case basis.
Since losing weight is my #1 and most important resolution this year, I am decided to put the money into it.  At least the online version saves me a little bit o’ cash…
Cross your fingers for me–I will let you know how it goes.  We start working together on February 1st.
Off to the gym tonight. I’m horribly crabby and talked myself out of it at least three times, but I know it will do more to relax me and relieve stress than sitting on the couch this evening will.