Early in the day, my mom shared with me that my cousin has been in the hospital.  He’s only 35.  He has had high blood pressure anyway, and now it turns out they’ve discovered he’s diabetic.  It runs in his father’s side of the family (we’re related by our moms). 
Thankfully, he is home already, but being an attorney with two small (and one particularly rambunctious) children, life is not exactly easy for him.  My cousin and I are only children, so we grew up more like siblings.  I love him and his wife and their kids very much, and have been sorely tempted more than once to move back to Ohio to be their nanny, just to make life a little easier.
Anyway.  In my extended family, there has now been high blood pressure (including my mom), high cholesterol, diabetes, and various forms of cancer (thankfully not striking either of my parents).  My folks have gotten really hard-core about eating right and exercising and I am tremendously proud of them.  We need to be a fit family, because the odds are against us.
So.  If you are wondering why I exercise so much and choose to have a lean meal for dinner, there’s your answer.  Good little reminder for myself, too.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately about what to do with this blog, which is part of why I’ve been so quiet.  I’m trying to reconcile in my head the coaching from my trainer to not be so focused on the numbers, with the disappointment that March has not brought as much physical change as I was hoping it would. 
Plus there is not much to report.  I am plugging away, doing the same things.  Eating “close to the ground” (i.e., as close to the way nature intended as possible), fewer calories, and striving for a lean protein and a whole-grain carb at each meal.  I’m doing my best to complete 2 cardio sessions and 3 weight sessions each week, but that has been derailed multiple times now by illness or fatigue.  I hate to rail on and on about the weather, because I find such conversations generally unproductive.  But honestly, I don’t think I’m going to get to the next level until spring gets here, my sinuses are happy at last, and I feel like being out and about a lot more.
So, I don’t know yet what the fate of this blog will be.  There’s nothing to track anymore, really.  It’s all pretty automatic.  And I’m no longer aiming for losing 20 pounds in a arbitrary amount of time.  Like I’ve always said, it took years to gain this weight–it’s not going to all go away quickly and magically.  Or if it does, it will come back.  This is a permanent change, not a fleeting one.    Maybe a general health and wellness blog?  Maybe.  I’ll keep you posted.

Admittedly, it’s not ideal running weather today.  But it’s also not quite raining.  Just…a misty haze hanging over all of Chicagoland.
I had to run at lunchtime, though.  I woke up late after a night of terrible sleeping and my whole schedule got thrown off.  I have no time tonight to exercise.
Anyway, it wasn’t bad.  It was actually sorta good.  At least I am re-acclamating to outdoor running and the proper, most comfortable attire.
i.e…
Upper 30 – upper 40 degrees: Long sleeved top, warm pants, Old Navy puffer vest.
Low 50 – Low 60 degrees: Tee shirt, long running pants
65 degrees and above:  Tee shirt or tank top and shorts

I ran 7, walked 2, ran 7, walked 3, ran 5, walked 2, ran 5, walked a little to cool down.  Better than last time! Now, some hot tea is in order to prevent respiratory illness…

So, you’d think losing weight would make the search for a bathing suit that much easier, right?
My female readers are saying, “Wrong! WRONG! Of course WRONG!”
Since E. and I are going to a waterpark this weekend, I dug out my swimsuits from last year.  I want to get a super cute two piece for our trip to California, but figured my old suits would do for the waterpark.  Anyway, I didn’t want anything too scandalous or prone to wardrobe malfunction.
And while last year’s suits still fit, they don’t fit quite right. I’m not just smaller all around, the weight is distributed differently.   There’s a lot of gaping fabric under my bra line where the big roll used to be.
So that is exciting and all but I’m torn about trying to find a new suit before the weekend.  Yeah, I shouldn’t spend the money, blah blah.  The reality is I don’t think I’ll have much luck anyway.  Everything right now is a tankini. When you are apple shaped, tankinis only serve to squish everything in the middle such that you look like a little stuffed sausage.  And the tankinis that billow a little (rare, but can be found) will fly up on the waterslide.
I can wear my most pracitcal suit–a one piece that ties around the neck and that’s that.  It fits okay-ish. But it’s not cute.  It’s practical.  I like cute better.

A friend of E.’s, who has more or less become my friend too, told me when she signed up for a personal trainer, it wasn’t because she needed someone kicking her in the butt.  She could do that quite fine herself, thank you very much.
Likewise.  Yesterday should have been workout #5, strength training #3 of the week.  I was pushing it anyway by going at the very end of the day, but there was stuff going on all day long and I wouldn’t have any other chance.  Except–I put myself down for a nap and woke up THREE HOURS LATER.  Too late to get to the gym in time to do my full workout before they closed.
I seriously was almost in tears over this.  I e-mailed my trainer practically begging for creative ways to make this up, but all she could really tell me is that what’s done is done.  If I did a weight workout today, it would have screwed up my schedule for the whole week.  And I can’t fit a fourth weight workout in because we’re leaving town on Saturday.
So, all I could do was recommit.  I solemnly swear that I am going to the gym 5 times this week.  I commit to planning my week so that I don’t miss a workout.  I also commit to …*shudder*… trying that god-awful early morning workout on Friday.  Maybe Wednesday too.  We’ll see.
I did at least do some yoga today to squeeze in a little something extra.  It felt really good, and I miss yoga.  My strength training very clearly has had an impact on my yoga form (in a good way). I’m going to try doing it on Sunday evenings for a little while.  At least until volleyball leagues start again and I decide about that.
Oh, and E. and I will be surfing 5 ft waves at Kallahari Indoor Waterpark this coming weekend so I figure that’s probably a good workout too!

Today was a cardio day, so I decided to run outside during my “afternoon break.”
Lemme tell you, running outside is nothing like running on the treadmill.  I realize this is obvious, but I apparently forgot.
Treadmills don’t have hills.
Treadmills don’t have wind.
Treadmills always require the same attire, so you can’t be over or underdressed.
I think my body also went into shock from such direct exposure to sunlight.

Still, I did 30 minutes at a 2 min walk/5 min run pace.  I don’t care how fast I ran or how far I ran today.  Nope.  No kicking my own butt today, just enjoying the chance to run in the fresh air.

Last night I had my most impressive run ever on the treadmill.  15 minutes straight of running, 3 minutes of walking, and another 10 minutes straight of running.  Followed by a couple minutes of walking to cool down.
However, I accomplished the same distance in the same amount of time as ever, despite burning more calories and running so much more than walking.  I was chugging along at a 4.9 – 5.1 mph pace so why I didn’t manage to cover more ground in the usual amount of time baffles me.
I blame the treadmill for faulty calculation. :p
Regardless, it was my best run ever and I am not going to quibble.
I don’t think I mentioned here that I got fitted at Fleet Feet for running shoes, and the difference is stunning, even in my weight lifting.  I also paid far less for a good pair than I was anticipating.  I joked with the sales guy that I thought it would be a lot more like dealing with a car salesman (meaning I would be persuaded into buying the most expensive thing by trying it on last and falling in love with it).  I think he was a little offended.  Oops.
A. is running some 5k’s this spring and invited me to join her. I really want to do this, especially since my first 5k with her was such a delight.  And another friend is running the Race for the Cure (I think?) 5k in May.  Hmmm, they might actually both be in May now that I think about it.  Which would be a problem…? Maybe?  Are two 5k’s in a month bad?
I want to do this, but so far I am nowhere near getting in 3.1miles in less than 35 minutes.  I think my last time came out around 32.
We’ll see. I need to talk to my trainer, but my bet is she’ll tell me to keep doing what I’m doing and I’ll get there.  Anyway, it’s only  a 5k.  Maybe an 8k down the road, but definitely no marathons in my future!!

It’s funny, the tiny little differences I continue to notice in myself as I continue on my training plan.  The latest is that I have a chin again.  As I told E., my face doesn’t just look like a little round pumpkin, I actually have a bit of definition at the bottom again.  Most folks haven’t really noticed, but *I* definitely have noticed that I’ve lost some of the baby rolls in my face.  Makes me want to go out and buy a bunch of makeup to celebrate.  Heh. (maybe at the end of the month)

I know I haven’t blogged much over here lately–eventually I want to sit down and give you all an overview of what I’m doing on my training program (just a taste, after all I don’t want you stealing all my trainer’s secrets!!) but I’ve just not put it all together yet.
Because of my cold or whatever, I am behind one workout this week and very frustrated about it, especially since I had a couple bites of things I shouldn’t yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well.  No, not chocolate cake or pizza.  Just mashed potatoes and crackers. 
The thing is, I am seeing SUCH progress that even some of my underwear is loose!  And I want to keep that momentum going–no breaking down at this point.  I KNOW I was sick, but I don’t want anything to throw a wrench into this progress.  At the end of this month, I am throwing out quite a few clothes and bringing out things I haven’t worn in a few years for the spring.  I just need some free time to go through all that stuff.  I also have some weddings to go to and either some old dresses will be fitting better than before, or I am going to need some new ones.  Oh, and I want to buy a suit once I settle into whatever my “new” size turns out to be.  

For the past week I’ve been on a personal evangelical mission to banish myself and others from the scale. 
The scale is evil.
The scale has too much power for such a little piece of machinery.
The scale tells me how much I weigh on any given day, including my organs, water, glycogen, muscles (which DO weigh more than fat) and more.
A person has to eat over 3000 calories in one day  to suddenly gain a pound of fat the next. 
In summary, the scale is not a good way to track your progress.
And I was going to go an entire 2nd month without stepping on it once. (you know where this is going)
Yeah, I got on the scale because my stomach was looking particularly thinner.  Curiosity got the best of me.  I made a pact with myself that if the number hadn’t gone down, it was OKAY and we are NOT to get frustrated and cry about it.
I have lost 3 more lbs for a net total of 6 with trainer, 11 since November.  Which is great, right?
Yeah right.  I can’t take a second to celebrate this because what I did was wrong and I said I wouldn’t do it. 
I’ve decided on a compromise–I can weigh myself on the first Monday of the month, following the month’s instructions from my trainer. THAT IS IT until I am through the program. 
Oh, and each end of month gets a treat. Not for size, not for inches, and certainly not for pounds.  But for sticking to the program another month.  Of course if I jump ship on the plan, no treat, but I really don’t see that happening.
Because forbidden measurement or not, progress IS happening, and fast!